Letters of recommendation are a critical component of college, scholarship, or work applications - but for many introverted or shy students, it may seem like a huge deal. The great news is, you don’t have to be the life of the party to receive awesome letters of recommendation tailored for you. Here is a step-by-step guide to help you through the process.
1. Choose the Right Recommender
Choose someone you know well - a teacher, counselor, coach, or supervisor that knows you as a worker and you as a person, and the things you have accomplished.
If you are reserved in class, consider someone you have interacted with outside of class, a group project, club activity or sport.
You should also avoid getting a letter from someone you do not know well as that could turn into a generic letter.
2. Start Early
Give your recommender ample notice – ideally at least a month before the deadline.
An early request respects their time and increases the chances of a considerate, thorough letter.
3. Begin Small with Small Talk
If you are on the more reserved side, begin small by just checking in on class work, taking feedback on an assignment, or simply asking for some advice on a project.
These small academically-based interactions will familiarize your recommender with you, and it will feel more organic to your recommender at the time of the request.
4. Make a Resume or "Brag Sheet"
Design a summary of your academic accomplishments, extra-curricular involvement, interests and future goals. This could help your recommender get a more detailed and personal letter done, especially if you are not the most talkative kid in class.
5. Ask - In Person or Written
If you feel comfortable with it, sometimes the best way is to ask in person at an appropriate time. If not, a written request, using a polite, well-written email is completely acceptable. In your request, include the reasons for selecting this person to write on your behalf, any specific positive experiences, and the deadline and submission method.
Example:
”Dear Ms. Lee,
I really enjoyed your biology class last semester, especially working through our genetics project, I learned so much. I’m applying to [program/school], and would be very honored if you could write me a strong letter of recommendation. I attached my resume and the application details, please let me know if you need any other information.”
6. Make it easy for your recommender
Along with the essential details – deadlines, submission process, and forms/envelopes – include your resume. Also drop in a very short note about what you hope will be emphasized (e.g. teamwork; enthusiasm for a subject, etc.).
7. Visualize and Self-Encourage
If you are filled with overwhelming apprehension about asking someone to recommend you, utilize visualization to your advantage: visualize yourself making the request, and the person you are asking saying, "Yes!"
Also keep in mind that teachers and mentors get asked on a regular basis for their opinions about your performance, and are sometimes even looking for you to ask them so they can share their expertise.
Final Tips for Shy Students
You don't have to be outgoing to form connections that matter, even small, sincere interactions matter. Written requests are perfectly acceptable if in-person requests make you uncomfortable. The critical component is preparation, polite requests, and making it easier on your recommender.
With these five steps in mind, even the shyest of students can obtain a letter of recommendation that is strong, supportive, and emphasizes their strengths and potential.
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